25 January 2015 @ 09:47 pm
No question: Dionysos - whatever the weather: www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2gaLrJgWd0

"…Whatever the weather I got you under my skin…"

1) Me As I See Myself: Gnarls Barkley - [A Little Better]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6YAUPuTpAk

"…And there ain't no holdin me
I've got a heart made of gold in me
Hah, can you believe this is where I've been?
And when adversity comes again
I'll deal with it then…"

2) Immediate Influence: Puscifer - Oceans: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj4n-aPu5Co

"…Weary traveler, calloused and sore
Time and gravity followed you here
Rest, my brother, and tell me
All about the ocean…"

3) Goal: Psychostick - Fake My Own Death And Go Platinum: www.youtube.com/watch?v=62zkwVif7PQ

"…What if I could live
if they all would think I'm dead
oh just what if I could have my
cake and eat it too…"

(harsh, winamp)

4) Recent Past: A Tribe Called Quest - Pad and Pen: www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3q4rIOirj0

"…One love, one life, and one destiny
It seems that the devil keeps testin me
Got the illest part of the recipe
Yo tell your homegirl to stop stressin me (stop it)
Undressin me is the part you really like
Brothers hold the cracks now they holdin mics
The cusses you get, They feelin steady rights
Marauders, we did that shit at Mid-night, a-ah-aight-aight…"

5) Further Past: AFI - [Girl's Not Grey]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Yzu-4kJg6g

"…What follows will swallow whole
What follows will swallow whole"

(Now I'm really anticipating the next pull. No peaking, though. Them's the rules…)
6) Near Future: The Clash - [Koka Kola]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8zqDVaNg6w

"…I get my advice from the advertising world
Treat me nice says the party girl
Koke adds life where there isn't any
So freeze, man, freeze…"

(Well that's terrifying.)

7) Me As Others See Me: Motion - [Desafinado]: http://www.beatport.com/track/desafinado-original-mix/4085324

Desafinado means "Off Key" or "Out of Tune," in Portuguese.

8) Further Future: Rajna - [Trehya Man]: http://rajna.bandcamp.com/track/trehya-man

9) Emotional/Mental State: Grinderman - Bellringer Blues: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1km7-SEFWP4

"…Next thing you know I took a look
Gabe was trying to sell me a book
But i got no dough
He said check it out it’s going cheap
Check it out it’s going cheap
Ok I’ll give it a go
I read that book every page
And then I put it away
Said I don’t think so

It makes slaves of all of womenkind
And corpses of the men, and I
I just don’t know
And we care a little bit
We get scared a little bit
Oа those two cold dead eyes
That stare a little a bit
And we cry a little bit
And we get by a little bit
Let your tears
All come falling down…"'

(Too real…)

10) Ultimate Outcome: Rasputina - Afternoon of the Fawn: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oVD-dZvZMI

"…If you accept my true intention
To find a house for all of us
My mind's eye can see a cottage of dimension
That defies its adorable size, and the garden is lush

Let's get put out to pasture
Let's go underground
Let's sit up in the thatched roof rafters
Where we can listen to the sound

Of anything that babbles
Like a brook, a stream, or a little child
I wanna live then in a hollow glen
Where the buttercup roams wild…"

(Hm. Houses of Blue)

Clarification: SITD - [The Final Curtain]:

Leben wir in schönen Erinnerungen
Und glauben wir an eine goldene Zukunft
Um das hier und jetzt
Nicht wahrnehmen zu müssen?
Mit Händen voller Hoffnung
Stehen wir am Abgrund zur Ewigkeit..

[Are we living in beautiful memories
And we believe in a golden future
To the here and now
Not having to perceive?
With hands full of hope
Are we on the brink of eternity…]

(Well that clarification was certainly ambiguous…)

Now Playing: Joe Boyd Vigil - [Broken Promise]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GBawbcjBsc
Björk - [You've Been Flirting Again]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPWfpgwU5c4
Feeling: Hm.
Listening: Björk - [You've Been Flirting Again]
22 January 2015 @ 12:23 am
1) You as you see yourself: Hindu Love Gods - [Junko Partner] www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EbpvF23cDE

"…Down the road, down the road come
My junko pardner
He was loaded as he could be
He was knocked down, knocked down loaded
And he sang this song to me…"

2) Direct influence: Ritualz - Third Eye Sixth Sense http://ritualz.bandcamp.com/track/third-eye-sixth-sense
3) Your Goal: Coil - [All This Has Always To Be Filmed] www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9kZFiAIqOw
4) Recent Past: Choronzon - [Forewarning] http://digital.panicmachine.com/track/forewarning
5) Further Past: Black Tape for a Blue Girl - [Glow] http://www.last.fm/music/Black+Tape+for+a+Blue+Girl/_/Glow
6) Near Future: Die Antwoord - [Wat Pomp (Feat. Jack Parow)] www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0PW1iJS7kU

7) You As Others See You: Black Flag - [Spray Paint] www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMLhAuH93bs

"…I don't want
To see the plan succeed
There won't be room
For people like me
My life is their disease
It feels good
And I'm gonna go wild
Spray paint the walls…"

8) Further Future: Tom Waits - [Spare Parts I (A Nocturnal Emission)] www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf4R9mGWX78

"…And the sky turned the color of Pepto-Bismol
And my old sport coat full of promissory notes
And the hawk had his whole family out there in the wind
He got a message for you to beware
Kicking your ass in, in a cold blooded fashion
He'll be dishing out more than a good man can bear
Well let's take it to Bakersfield, get a little apartment somewhere…"

9) Emotional/Mental State: The Birthday Massacre - [Lovers End] www.youtube.com/watch?v=5h2Tfhs4-eU
10) Ultimate Outcome: Oneiroid Psychosis - [Discharge] http://www.last.fm/music/Oneiroid+Psychosis/_/Discharge

Clarification: David Bowie - [The Last Thing You Should Do]: www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0wutxYSHM8

"What have you been doing to yourself?
What have you been doing to yourself?
What have you been doing to yourself?
It's the last thing you should do, ooh ooh ooh ooh

Nobody laughs any more
Nobody laughs any more
Nobody laughs any more
It's the worst thing you can do, ooh ooh ooh ooh

Save the last dance with me
Catch the last bus with me
Give the last kiss to me
It's the safest thing to do, ooh ooh ooh ooh

Yea yea yea
Yea yea yea
Yea yea yea"
Feeling: Just wizard-talkin'to myself…
Listening: David Bowie - [The Last Thing You Should Do]
Sunday's are days for me to reset and rest, and they often comprise as much work as they do rest. They're Cusp Days. Threshold days. They're a unique perspective, as they're some of the only time I'm truly and completely alone, during the week.

Me As I See Myself: Jorane - Pour Ton Sourire

"Pour ton sourire, j'veux donner toutes mes nuits
Mes jours et tous mes rêves
Pour tes yeux et pour tes lèvres
Pour ton sourire"

Direct Influence: DeathBoy - [Capital Way You Make Me Feel (NIN vs Jacko vs DeathBoy)]

"Don't try to tell me that some power can corrupt a person
You haven't had enough to know what its like
You're only angry 'cause you wish you were in my position
Now nod your head because you know that I'm right... alright"

"The way you make me feel
(The way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(You really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
(You knock me off of my feet)
My lonely days are gone
(My lonely days are gone)"

Goal: Tom Waits - [Down There by the Train]

"…well I've never asked forgiveness and
I've never said a prayer
I've never given of myself
I've never truly cared
I've hurt the ones who loved me
I'm still raising cain
I've taken the low road and
if you've done the same

meet me down there by the train
down there by the train…"

Recent Past: A New Found Glory - [Never Ending Story]

"Rhymes that keep their secrets
Will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon a rainbow
Is the answer to a never ending story"

Further Past: Voltaire - [The Night]

"…It just seems very strange to me
That her quiet lonely streets
And draped in all her mystery
Could be so sweet and comforting

'Cause the night, she calls me…"

Near Future: Lovesliescrushing - [Bloweyelashwish]

Me As Others See Me: Radiohead - [Life in a Glasshouse]

"…Once again, we are hungry for a lynching
That's a strange mistake to make
You should turn the other cheek
Living in a glass house

Well of course I'd like to sit around and chat
Well of course I'd like to stay and chew the fat
Well of course I'd like to sit around and chat
But someone's listening in…"

More Distant Future: Throwing Muses - Firepile

"…Think of all the junk
I could lay my hands on
Purify my heart

That firepile's your home…"

Emotional/Mental State: Warren Zevon - [Musings On Mortality, Song Noir And The King Of Rock N' Roll]

Ultimate Outcome: Tori Amos - [Toast]

"…On your right standing is
Mr. Bojangles
With a toast he's telling me it's time
To let you go
Let you go

I thought I'd see you again
You said you might do
Maybe in a carving
In a cathedral
Somewhere in Barcelona…"

Clarification: Snake River Conspiracy - [Casualty]

"I'm a casualty of you
Just a casualty of you
Opportunity for me to prove again how easily you just
Want you to stay with me
More than would die to be, your casualty"

Currently Playing: Katzenjammer Kabarett - [Lies Suck Not] and Tom Waits - [Black Box Theme].

So there are those. Interesting pulls. Lots to consider.

Lovesliescrushing - [Golden-Handed]---Back later.

Screeching Weasel - [Dirty Needles] followed by Miles Davis - [Boplicity]
The Impossible Girl - Stellar Alchemist

Forest Whitaker - Samurai Code Quote ("It Is Bad When One Thing Becomes Two…")

Flogging Molly - [The Ol' Beggars Bush]

Rasputina - [Doomsday Averted]---Weeks and weeks of music.
Feeling: liminal
Listening: Rasputina - [Doomsday Averted]
12 January 2015 @ 02:52 am
It's a good thing I randomly decided to go on a phone picture deleting spree or I wouldn't have seen the pic from last month to remind me that I have a followup appointment with the ortho specialist tomorrow at 1030.


11 January 2015 @ 05:51 pm
Doing it in the style of a tarot Celtic Cross. Listening to each song all the way through, before moving on. Why am I tell you this, you know how this works.

Me As I See Myself: Billy Idol - [Don't Need a Gun (Single Edit)]

"Yeah to be someone
don't need a gun"

Direct Influence: Collide - [Like You Want to Believe]

"all that you take and all that you steal
all that you mask and all you reveal"

Goal: The Smiths - [Rubber Ring]

"And when you're dancing and laughing
And finally living
Hear my voice in your head
And think of me kindly…

"'You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping'"

Recent Past: Covenant - [Wall of Sound]
"Overcome the fear to drop the last defence
Speak forbidden words reach out beyond ourselves"

Further Past: Mephiskapheles - Bad John

Near Future: Einstürzende Neubauten - The Interimlovers

"es gibt sie gestern nicht mehr | they are not there yesterday
und morgen noch nicht | and tomorrow not yet"

Me As Others See Me: Danger Doom - [No Names (Black Debbie)]

"On the phone, he sounded like a real paid ("whoa whoa whoa")
Then we met in person, he was three shades blacker
That's why he saved money over ball and chain dames
We all the same, no callin names

I'm as smart as him!

What? I got Ph.D's in four scientific disciplines


Why do you think they call me "Dr. Quinn?"

Um, I just thought that was a nickname. You know, like "Dr. Dre." East-siiiiiiiide!

Further Future: Aural Vampire - Border Of The Dead

<"in the valley of the dead cars
at the mouth of a flooded mine
i will embrace you hard
and we'll wait for the sun to shine
in the valley of the dead cars
the valley of the dead cars">

Mental/Emotional State: XTC - Respectable Street

"Heard the neighbor slam his car door
Don't he realize this is respectable street
What d'you think he bought that car for
'Cos he realize this is respectable street

He realize this is respectable street
He realize this is respectable street
He realize this is respectable street"

Ultimate Outcome: AiBoFoRcEn - [The Dying Rose]

"My leaves sleep at my feet
See my heart how it bleeds
My petals become dry
It's that thing just inside..."

Well none of that is at all encouraging.

Clarification: Amber Asylum - Aurora

Change of Direction: The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets - [Hookworm (Live)]

"Your wings are cold with travel
Your tools are on the way
My mind will soon be leaving here
Just leave my body where you may
Brought to the rim of knowledge
Drilled deep into my skull
The buzzing eats away my mind"

Now Playing: Wolf Eyes - [Rationed Rot]

So if anyone wants to toss me a spread, I'd be much obliged.
Feeling: O.o
Listening: Wolf Eyes - [Rationed Rot]
10 January 2015 @ 02:42 am
It occurs to me that I don't spend nearly enough time telling the people in my life how much I appreciate them. So if we've ever talked and you've made me think more clearly or laugh or smile, or just had a kind word on a bad day, or any day at all: Thank you.
09 January 2015 @ 01:26 pm
Utah proves that free homes strengthen the economy.

Multiple countries around the world prove that free education strengthens the economy.

Many programs show that free food increases people's hope and removes one layer of subsistence worry, making them more able to do the work they want to be doing.

Programmable & semi-autonomous machines are making human labor nonessential in many fields.

Access to information is a human right.

Oh yeah & the maintenance of "the world economy" is just collective self-delusion anyway.

At some point we're going to have to realise that we CAN give ourselves anything we need to all survive & thrive. Like, we have that ability. We're simply choosing not to.
Feeling: tired of
Listening: DS9
08 January 2015 @ 12:10 am

Because I'm still trying to figure out the money to get to Albuquerque, NM in the middle of next month, this is one of those posts where I tell you that I am REALLY fucking good at Research, Editing, Conceptual Consulting, Writing, event planning, & thinking.

While I specialise in philosophy, ritual theory, magical and occult studies, the implications of human augmentation and machine consciousness, and epistemology in re: social constructions of reality, if you pay me money I will do these things for YOUR projects.

That is all.

Feeling: a great deal of hustle, very little luck.
Listening: "No Light" by Florence + the Machine, stuck in my head.
04 January 2015 @ 03:32 am
Over on Tumblr, somebody asked me, "any spells for combating suicidal thoughts?"

This was my reply:

First and foremost, please please PLEASE, if you are feeling like you need immediate help, get IMMEDIATE help: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ http://eyeamdivine.tumblr.com/post/106704095763/us-international-suicide-prevention-lifelines

Barring that, please talk to someone, talk to anyone, and there are people there who will and want to listen. Please believe me.

You’ll need Wormwood and Chamomile and Melatonin. If any of these causes you interaction problems, you leave it out, but you keep the others in. If none of them are okay for you, any “Sleepy Tea” (catnip, jasmine, etc) will do in a pinch.

You’ll need to find the memory of the voice, the words, the presence of someone you trust, the sound or sight or feeling of them telling you the truth of yourself: That you deserve to live, that you deserve to experience and become more, that you’re stronger than you ever thought possible.

You’ll need a sheet of paper and the nearest pen you have to hand. Favourite, most comfortable, happened to be there lying on the ground, barely working sticking out of the trash, whatever.

If pen and paper aren’t your thing, then any portable means of freestyle mark-making will do. P&P are just our shorthand, here.

If you’re a listener, you’ll need your favourite piece of instrumental music. No lyrics. You’re going to supply the words.

If you’re not a listener, then hold the memory of a perfect moment in a day. Not people or situations, just a moment. The feeling or smell or sight or sound or taste at a singular point in time when you knew, Knew, that all was well.

You’ll need an empty, quiet room.

Set water to boil, in a kettle if possible, and place the wormwood and chamomile together in a tea ball, infuser, or even just a conical strainer or piece of cheesecloth. Anything that’ll allow you to steep the herbs without having to eat them. If you don’t mind a little crunch in your beverage, then put the herbs in the cup and don’t worry about it.

Pour the boiling water over, through, or into the herbs, and let them steep. Two or three minutes should do the trick. While it steeps, take stock of your remaining supplies, again:

  • Melatonin, if it’s okay for you

  • The memory of true words from a trusted source.

  • A piece of paper

  • Any pen

  • Your favourite instrumental piece, or the memory of a perfect moment

  • An empty room

Set the music to play, hold the perfect moment in your mind, and sit in the middle of the empty room (or as close to the middle as you can get, depending), keeping the paper and the pen near to hand. Hold the words of that trusted source in your mind and begin to write, or draw, or scribble.

Start with the words you remember. The words about how strong you are, how brave you are, how much you’ve survived, and all that you deserve to see and experience. They don’t need to be the exact words, they don’t need to be spelled correctly or even look like “words,” per se. Make the marks you make as you think of those true words.

Drink the tea and take the melatonin.

Continue to hold that memory, listen to the music, and recall those words and make those marks—new marks, as well: pictures, shapes, representations of anything, everything you feel connected to— and as you start to feel the tired, make your way toward your bed, or the couch, or the most comfortable place you can find, and lie down there. Keep your mark-makers close to hand, though.

As you drift off, hold the marks the pictures the words and memories in your mind, switching rapidly between all of them, using the feeling of all of them to drive out all other thoughts, images, recollections, and one of these things will be the last thing you think about before you sleep.

When you dream, try to follow every path, investigate every clue, look in every window, and open every door you find. Write down everything anyone says to you (you brought your mark-makes with you, remember? They’re right next to you), and bring it back with you. Nothing may be what it initially seems to mean, but everything is important. hold on to as much of it as you can, but don’t worry about what you might have to let go.

When you wake, write down as much of what you remember in the same place as all the other marks you’ve made. Study them. Follow their leads and let them point you away from the things that would deny you everything you deserve to experience and see to rob you of accomplishments which are yours by right and dint of the strength and effort and conviction you’ve shown in getting so far and doing so well.

And know that you have journeyed far and learned deep truths. Know that you have crafted your mark on the world with weight and truth and intention behind it, with memories of everything you’ve overcome. Know that you are here, breathing, where so many others aren’t and that’s okay. It’s not failure or triumph or cowardice. It’s you, Here, and that’s okay.

Those marks are your sigils, your glyphs, your words and symbols of power. You don’t need to cling to them, to see them, or have their physical representation near you, every day, because the secret truth about the words, the runes, about spells? Well when you learn to spell, those marks are yours, forever. They’re always in your mind, and even when things get jumbled, eevn wehn tihgns gte msseed pu, we can still understand each other, still decypher each other, still make ourselves known and understood with the marks we make.

This is a spell to help you make your own spells. To remember that every day you are here is a day when you can learn another of the universe’s secrets from the song of a bird or the pattern of a spray of branches or from your own memories and heart.

Make your own spells. Make as many of them as you can. Share them with all of us for as long as you possibly can. This one’s just to get you started.
02 January 2015 @ 01:01 am
Hey Gregorian Calendar-using world! If i didn't say, sign, hug, call, or text this to you, today: happy new year!

Today was a free day. I hope you did whatever you needed to to get your heart and your mind right. Got some brunch, went for a walk, vegged out with some Chinese food and watched Netflix. Recorded audio love letters to yourself and scheduled them to send at random times throughout the year. Whatever. Take it.

I did some of those things, and others: http://www.patreon.com/creation?hid=1448754&rf=145784

Spent NYE and the Flip at [Unknown LJ tag]'s house. Good gig.

Goodbye 2014. You barely tried at all, but the few things you DID get right, you got really right. Go away now. Into the fire with you.

Happy New Year 2015. This is what happens to the years that fail us. The ones that succeed, as well, but it's all in the perspective through the flames, right?

Anyway: Be Ye Warned.
Because tomorrow we've got work to do.

Good night.
Feeling: considering the work ahead
Listening: Many noises
28 December 2014 @ 11:03 pm
Finding general travel grants for independent scholars is nowhere near as easy as it should be. Seriously: Foundations & fellowship funds specifically for adjuncts and independent scholars, which take into account their likely financial realities? These need to be a thing.

I need conference travel funding grants for an independent scholar/adjunct instructor, available on a two month timescale and able to be applied to conference registration, airfare, AND hotel fees. Short term rather than long term, because the conference in question is in FEBRUARY.

I have razelore​ working with someone who knows grants attacking this, as my google-fu has failed me in this search. That or there is like, NOTHING out there.

And yes I've contacted their travel and accommodations liaison. No they don't have or know of anything.

There needs needs NEEDS to be a more cohesive support community for independent scholars and adjuncts. Something so JUST shy of unions that they can't deny them, but close enough to eventually make that change.

But that's a machination for the future…
Feeling: Frustrated as hell
Listening: Buddy Holly - [Every Day]
My mom bought me a new car battery and cash and my dad gave me a new charging block for my laptop, and an easy fix for the laptop hinges. I now have a functional laptop and car again. Woohoo!
Feeling: thankful
Rained or was at least overcast for the past 48 hours, up and down the east coast. Drove through so much rain, starting in NC, that it caused the drive to take 15.5 hours. Today? Christmas day? Warm and clear.

Oh YOU all! With your almost species-wide sublimated psychoemotional linkage of Christmas to the Solstice via deftly applied Son/Sun Homophonic synchronicities. Carl Jung And A.O. Spare would be so proud! ^_^

Sol Invictus, indeed! HahaHa! Ho! Ho! ho!

Now maybe just turn that toward making the world in which we live brighter in its intellectual, emotional, and sociological connections, and not just the strictly physical ones?

Then we might actually have a chance in 2015.
Feeling: thinkgy
Listening: A Christmas Story
23 December 2014 @ 02:04 am
Working on a piece of alchemy where i transmute despondent complacency within a terrible situation into the will and patience to work toward being able to do something i actually fucking love.

I think the key is to recognise that the connections of complacency are, at base, nearly the same as those of patience. To think of them as molecular siblings wouldn't be amiss. One atom of intention, here or there, one oppositional ionic bond. You mountain fold and valley fold the highest from the lowest and you're already halfway there. Think of it:

The complacency is the anti-desire to do anything but sit in place and despair. The despondency feeds on the hopelessness of itself. The antithesis to the dream of perpetual motion, a greater and greater stillness. Less and less energy to do the work.

But every force contains within itself the description of its opposite. Its undoing. It's sinistral twin. And so we dig down deep to understand the mechanisms of despair, and, as we dig, we find that we've crafted a machinery of patience and hope.

Not empty hope, but a determination that things can, must, and will be better than this, and the determination to make them so.

There's a relationship there. They're not so different, they and they.


So we use the will as a bridge to the bond and we shift the electron layer--nudge it wavelength by wavelength-- and we see that if we can give in and rest, then we can plan, poise, and wait.

The stillness of a tree is not the stillness of a suspicious river log is not the stillness of a rock on the edge of a mountain, but stillness is stillness is stillness. The potential in your acquiescence--to be surprised by a sudden shift and change--can be made into the kinetic, by the merest tap.

If you can give up, can that become being patient? If you can keep doing the same fucking horrible thing, day in and day out, then can you build, piece by piece, the thing that will make you happy?

They are connected. Converted transpositions of ability and desire. What's the energy source, though? Where's the clarity that it can be done? How do we generate hope from hopelessness?

I guess that's the secret of becoming the Philosopher's Stone…

Time to go to bed. Long drive, tomorrow.
16 December 2014 @ 08:03 pm
2014, I appreciate the effort, but you can leave anytime now. Just…stop touching anything, put your hands in your pockets, & jog the fuck on.
Listening: Siouxsie & The Banshees - [Scarecrow]
16 December 2014 @ 07:14 pm
halou - Wiser--- So my great aunt, who was basically a third grandmother to my family, the woman at whose house Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and every other family food holiday was held, the matrix and centre of my mother's side of the family, who has had Alzheimer's-like dementia for the past several years, and who had a heart attack about 6 years ago, has been in the hospital with pneumonia since last night.

Psyclon Nine - [Hymn to the Angels' Descent]--- Not doing too great with that news, mentally and emotionally, at >30 hours awake. Had to call it on grading, for the night, and take a nap.

Trivia tonight.

Feeling: Not. Tops.
Listening: Mirrormask - [The Library]
'A machine [consciousness] comes into being and asks the Buddha, Lorraine Code, and René Descartes, "What Can I Know?" How do they answer?'

And I'm really proud of the students who tackled it.
Listening: Battlestar Galactica



A small, invite-only "pre-unconference" in preparation for a fuller public conference next year. That was yesterday. Clickity click above.

Now, a thing you may not know about me, but, when I'm invited to speak to a room full of people who Really Know Their Shit, I get a nice hefty dose of Impostor Syndrome. So, after seeing the guest list for this event, I've been freaking out for Weeks.

So Friday, before leaving, I did a Legba Invocation:

I look upon the path behind me. Please: Make clear the way.
I look upon the paths around me. Please: Make clear the way.
I look up on the path before me. Please: Make clear the way.

Because Legba is Beginnings and Crossroads and Thresholds and Communication and Magick.

In the airport and on the flight there were several prayers to threshold and liminal gods of Magick and Tech. Legba, Thoth-Hermes, and Ganpati Ganesh. Felt totally clear, when I landed. Ritualizing Travel by engaging the radical liminality of airports/flight for dispersing ingrained patterns and clarifying sacred conceptual and praxical space.

I was up until 3am Friday/Saturday tweaking my slides, bit by bit, but I gut up at 11, and got dressed. I looked like this:

After some weirdness with trains, I arrived. The first thing that happened was I met conference organizer Ingrid Burrington, Tim Maly and Tom Henderson. The second thing that happened was I was asked if I would mind speaking first. See previous note on Impostor Syndrome. So being asked to be the first speaker after thew welcome remarks was Utterly Terrifying. So I recalled the words of the Bene Gesserit, and since "Make Clear The Way" was my driving principle for the weekend, I said to myself "Fuck Fear," and said to Ingrid, the organizer, "I'd love to."

The third thing that happened was I noticed a woman wearing red and black, with a vévé of Ellegua (also known as Legba) around her neck. This would be Katelan Foisy. So THAT was a thing. We spent most of the time before things introducing ourselves and magick-nerding out at each other.

Somewhere in there I met Deb Chachra and Elanor Saitta, and they are both as awesome as you might expect.

We got me set up and I talked and people seemed to love my talk, which was structured roughly like this:

But with more slides. Will post those later.

As more people talked, I realised that a) I needed to make sure more women get incorporated into the expanded version, especially Athena; and b) my talk acted as kind of a broader framing narrative for the themes everyone touched on. Check the hashtag for more on that, as well as the amazing things that I saw and noted all day Saturday. Just go click all those links, up there.

One of the best things that happened: Ingrid pulled a tarot card in Karen Gregory's talk, which was right after mine, at the start of the day, but she didn't look at it until the end of the day, during dinner, after a WILDLY successful day of collaboration.

Her card? 3 Of Cups. No shit.

(I'd pulled the Queen of Wands: http://learntarot.com/wqn.htm Kind of an assessment and an imperative statement, that one.)

After everything was over, I ended up separated from Ingrid, Ella, Deb, Tim, and Tom, but going on Ingrid's suggestion to this bar/club/record store/bakery/??? called Cake Shop, and the bar staff were Amazing. From there, meeting up with spooky_chan, and theng oing to this club called Pyramid with her and Hell's Delz and Roy, came home, crashed out, and had dreams about hanging out with Duncan Jones and David Bowie.

So when I got up, I loaded up my phone with "Earthling" and "The Next Day" and some Sneaker Pimps, Fiona Apple, and Scroobius Pip, because listening to my dreams seemed like great idea and it was. It really REALLY was. That Scroobius Pip choice was a really random one. My eye crossed it and I thought, "*shrug* yeah that feels like New York." This would become hilarious on a Jungian level, much later in the evening.

Went to breakfast and general talking and wandering with Tom, who helped me think about the addition/reincorporation of Athena into my talk. Later in the day, we met up with Ella, at La Colombe, down on LaFayette near Broadway. Great coffee, great conversation. Came back to Chan's place, answered student emails, did some admin work, and then…

Well. Let's call it MORE WEIRD SHIT. Super synchronicities with and amazing meetings OF some really astounding people at a party to which I was very randomly and graciously invited. I met some astounding talents and people whose work I've admired for many years now. In some cases, not realising to whom I was talking until Well into our conversation. At this point, I'd tell you all the details of what happened last night, but you'd really just think I was bragging, if you don't already, and that is so not the point.

The point is: Magic Works, Y'all.

It really really works.

I almost didn't come to this weekend, for myriad reasons.

Try magick, today. Try it at home. Find people and books and start a coven or a prayer circle or a biblical cryptographic exegetical collaborative, or whatever it takes. Just tap into the current of this universe, however you can, and ride it while it rides you.

…that sounded sexier than intended, but also exactly as sexy as necessary? So it stays.

It stays.
Expect this post to be filled in with more names and links, soon [EDIT: And it HAS!]. Right now I REALLY need to sleep.

Feeling: effulgent
Listening: Chan's place
01 December 2014 @ 01:21 pm
Since 10/18/14, i have had a broken finger. Not sprained, as i was told. Broken.

Saw an orthopedic specialist today and, contrary to what I was initially told, the break is VERY clear in the x-ray--which was the third overall, the first with the ortho, and the first I've been ALLOWED to see, let alone SPECIFICALLY SHOWN, by an attending physician. The specialist and I had a good laugh over that one.

This all tracks with what I've been feeling, both in Use and upon Manipulation of the injured digit.

What i mean is, you can fucking FEEL THE BREAKAGE. Which i was told by the initial Worker's Comp Doctors was "just swelling."

The ortho specialist said I've healed quickly and well, so there Probably won't be lasting damage. and I was like, yeah, well I'd've healed faster, if it'd been diagnosed correctly the first time

Now I attribute neither malice nor ignorance to the initial doctors’ diagnosis, rather I encourage us all to ask ourselves in this, as in all things, "Cui Bono?"

Whose interests does a worker's injury physician serve? Whose insurance pays for their services? What kind of questions are the doctors, there, encouraged to ask? Discouraged from asking? What kind of on-the-job training occurs?

Because the kinds of perspectives, questions, and intentions from which they operate Will differ, depending on the answers to Those meta-questions.

So, anyway, there's that. First broken bone.

As to all the other health stuff, from the previous months, my Complete Blood Count came back as right in the middle range on all values, except my platelet count. Their listed upper range is 317 and mine was at 374. Now, the usual standard range tops out at 450, but my primary care physician's lab's normal standards are lower than most. PCPhys brought it up with Hematology, and they said they accept to to that range of 450 without any need for a further work up. "There are many reasons for higher platelet counts when they are very high like a bone marrow issue, bleeding issues, dehydration."

…So maybe even just a broken bone could account for a Kind of high count…? Yeah. Probably

All other tests were midrange to slightly-but-explainably high.

Did a urology followup, a couple of weeks back, and all that is fine. No cancer or anything. Monitor and report, followup in couple of months.

In the past four months, I've seen A worker's Comp Dr, My Primary Care, Two ultrasound techs, one Urologist, and one ortho specialist.
So that's where my health is.
Listening: Einstürzende Neubauten - Salamandrina
30 November 2014 @ 02:42 pm
I am Not meant to be a diurnal human being. My mind's most active from about 2am to 7am, regardless of how tired my body may be.

It kicks into gear at Midnight, if I'm physically rested, but have been mentally busy.
I'll make a sign:

"WARNING: Nocturnal Carnivorous-Leaning Omnivorous Cyborg Sorcerer! WILL attempt to devour, educate, or engage intercourse with you."

But anyway! Today! I will try to do a lot of work while it's light outside! i've made a list and everything! Writing and audio recording and emails and showers and maybe laundry and exercise and just all KINDS of stuff!

I say I will TRY to do these things because, well, the fact of it is, I probably won't actually have my mind together enough to DO them, until around 10pm, at the Earliest. See Above

But if I let it start warming up, now, maybe we can actually get going sooner.

Here's hoping.
Feeling: trying to prioritize and get started