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Sunday, January 1st, 2012
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6:56 pm - Networking. In the FUTURE!
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[April 16, 2008, 6.56pm:] Taking a piece of advice from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) reannaremick (see below), I'm going to future-date this entry (which is going to take some getting used to), and keep adding to it, as new information comes in.
Here we go:
( User Friendly )
current mood: Working on other things.
current music: Television and other things.
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| Sunday, July 12th, 2009
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2:10 am - Today was pretty good.
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So. Not only is State Farm currently saying I never paid them for last month, their online bill pay system is down, and no one is answering the phones at my representative's office.
This wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that their 800 "customer service" line is actually a recording which tells you to contact your representative if you have a problem with billing and to contact your bank or card issuer, if you don't have a State Farm account and believe you've been billed in Error. Then this recording repeats in Spanish. Then it hangs up on you.
THEN IT HANGS UP ON YOU.
That's mighty neighbourly of you, State Farm. Way to be there.
Anyway. Better things:
In order of appearance,cailement (as well as her mom and sister), jenniebreeden, and mech_angel all came to visit me at work, today. Conversations were had, drinks were drunk, work was done.
Awesome day.
Tired, now... thinking about caffeine to counteract the beer I just had.
Thoughts?
Damn it... Avatar Press is making Sense at me, again... I'm going to go drink some water, then go to bed...
Good night...
Better tomorrow.
current mood: wooble wobble.
current music: CNN being terrible at news
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| Saturday, July 11th, 2009
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1:47 am - "This is indeed a Strange Universe"
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Okay, before I go to bed: I just had one of those moments where the universe DOES NOT match up with memories I Know to be true.
I saw the Movie DARK CITY sometime before the Fall of 1998, when I moved into the dorms at Horizons. I didn't see it in theaters, but on VHS. But the VHS for DARK CITY isn't listed as having come out until March 2, 1999. THE MATRIX was released in theaters, 29 days later. I saw the MATRIX the day it came out, and on several days thereafter, and I had absorbed DARK CITY well enough to draw all the parallels...
Fact: I did not live at Horizons when I saw DARK CITY on VHS.
Fact: I Lived at Horizons when I saw THE MATRIX.
Fact: I can independently verify my owning and watching DARK CITY, while I lived with my mother, prior to 1998.
So... Yeah.
Mulling that over.
Goodnight...
Oh and, in case you're wondering (you aren't), no, the irony of this improper memory match being related to DARK CITY isn't lost on me.
current mood: deeply concerned, and knowing that no one else cares.
current music: What is probably the roommates having sex.
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| Friday, July 10th, 2009
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7:15 pm - The Secret Origin of Ada Lovelace
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11:20 am - Happy Birthday Mr Tesla
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| Thursday, July 9th, 2009
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11:09 pm - Bone. Grafting. Prosthetics.
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7:22 pm - Birthday Clarity:
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So, I haven't been clear about what I want for my birthday, I'm going to spell it out for all of us:
I'm hoping that you will give me something that means something to you and me, something personal that symbolises a connection that you and I share, a moment, a concept, a a conversation, an event.
I will then take that thing, and I will destroy it. More precisely, I will reduce it down to ashes, or dust, or sand, or molten metal (if possible).
I will then combine these remnants together with other components I've gathered, and have listed here, durinng the course of an ad hoc ritual I've designed.
If you are a musician and you give me music-- Preferably Before Midnight, Tuesday, July 14/Wednesday, July 15-- it will be played during the ritual, for as long as the they last, in succession.
Give me a thing that reminds you and me of our Us, and I will ritually, sybolically, and literally destroy it.
Uhmmm... That's all I got.
Any questions about what I want from you, or why I want it?
current mood: Clarifying, I hope.
current music: The 4400
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| Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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3:42 pm - Strange Thoughts and Wu-Wei Recollections
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So, in these days moving toward my birthday, I've been having stranger dreams, odd experiences, new and different opportunities presenting themselves, and so on.
The synchronicity of events and concepts pleases me, and makes me want to hold on to them, tightly. Have to resist that urge, because it's like Jell-O: It'll follow the lines and curves of whatever I shape for it, as long as I do it right. Stir, mix, prepare, and then Let It Cool. But once it's taken shape, it must be handled carefully, because, when you squeeze it? It oozes out between your fingers, leaving a sticky mess on your hands, and a sense of loss and regret.
And, if you don't like Jell-O, I'm sure I can think of something else that will fit the end of that analogy.
Anywho. The point is, to work with the current, to shape and be shaped, rather than try to fully push things where you want them to be. In the past I have tried to force too many interactions.
This year, until the party, I am endeavouring to be a master and servant of wu-wei. I will take the opportunities that I am given, I will work with them, as long as they are there, and I will let them leave, as they choose.
HOWEVER, just because I am in this river, and flowing as it needs, does not mean that I can't remind you of Rocks I've Seen.
Everyone here: http://wolven.livejournal.com/1411771.html
kylecassidy's 2x Creative Project: http://community.livejournal.com/2xcreative
And mech_angel's part in it: http://community.livejournal.com/2xcreative/13146.html
greygirlbeast is On Twitter, and looking for 1,000 followers by the end of July, in time for the release of her new novel The Red Tree.
diosa_en_disfra has a new book out, as well.
Go look. These people deserve your attention, if only for a few seconds.
Who do you want me to look at, today?
current mood: working...
current music: NCIS and the episode of the 4400 where they introduce Summer Glau and Geoffrey Combs
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| Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
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10:20 am - Dreams always take longest to write...
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Dreams of standing at the centre of a circular room with many doors, along the walls, or a cave with different paths and tunnels.
Something about helping my mother check on the state of her property, down here, and trying to figure out if her tenant was attempting to assert squatter's rights. Seeing him move a curtain, to peek out, and then going up to the house, loudly addressing him.
In an apartment, a combination of zombiebear and tsarina_bomba's apartments. Talking with The Joker, as he prepares to go out, to do serious damage to the world.
Walking various pathways with someone whose symbollism keeps changing (Read parts of Bill Willingham's "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Dreams..." and Grant Morrison's Kid Eternity, last night). We are both wering a kind of crown that become roses which become apples which become halos of infinitely-faceted light. As we walk, I realise that we're following all of the paths of people's lives, their choices, their personal symbolic associations at the moments where they became Who They Are. We pass a low-hanging tree, on a hill, and I see the Joker, again. My guide tells me to watch, carefully, and as I do, I see the Joker pick up a lighter from a strange tangle of roots, level with the tree, but far from the base. His back is to the tree and, if the roots weren't there, he could walk down the hill. In this tangle, he finds a Zippo Lighter, with an inscription which I can read, and understand, in the dream, but the words aren't Enlgish. It means something to the effect of "Little Stinker," or "What a Funny Joke." His face lights up, and he has this moment of perfect comprehension. He fully recognises his place in all things.
An apartment or motel on the border edges of a flat town where you can smell the water and the sky mix-- maybe Baltimore or Richmond. It's a warmish soft-light afternoon, on a weekend. The kind of day where no one else is on the roads, and everything is quiet, and you can move about doing anything you want, and having nothing you Need to do.
Woke up, after that.
You know what I want to see? I want a collaboration between a musician and an illustrator, in static form. I'm thinking about this because I woke up with the idea of mech_angel and Amanda Fucking Palmer doing a collaboration, firmly lodged in my brain. Make it happen, InterTubs.
In other news, this is freaking Amazing: Rottweiler becomes surrogate father to Wolf Cub.
Also: 'Physical Reality Of String Theory Shown In Quantum-critical State Of Electrons'
Have a great Day
current mood: processing.
current music: "Hotel," by Tori Amos, playing in my head
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| Monday, July 6th, 2009
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11:42 am - Dreams: AFP and Legba
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Dreamt that I was making out, heavily, with Amanda Fucking Palmer. In the context of the reality of the dream, I thought I was dreaming and set about testing the , but somehow, I wasn't.
Some kind of transition, where there was a party happening, a potluck of lots of food, and lord_of_smoking was making a couple of dishes.
Auf Der Maur - [Skin Receiver]--- I was upstairs-- either I walked, or just Happened There. Former co-worker went into the bathroom, and a large man walked in the bedroom door. We were in some kind of townhouse, a combination of places,to be sure, and as the man walked in, I was no longer myself, physically, but I was still me, mentally, at least in part. The physical person i was wearing was a large Haitian man with Silver Teeth-- either painted or Actual Silver, set into the gums and skull-- and either black eyes, or silver eyes with dark sunglasses, depending on the angle. The man who walked in the door told me about his master, about the "God" he served, and I knew that I was to work with, in, and through this presence to shut him down. He asks, in French, if I have ever known true power, and smile as I tell him, "More than you could ever know." He cautions me not to blaspheme, and we walk out the door.
In the hallway, outside of his master's sanctuary, he disbelieves my power, and I ask him what he wants, more than anything. He looks confused as he says, "I want to never speak again." I pass my hand over him and take his Voice, but he doesn't notice. We walk forward, and he starts to try to tell me that the guarrd at the door will take me in, but his words are strangled, and then so is he. I smile at the door guard and say, "Excuse me a second," as i go back to my former escort. I start signing to him to tell him that, if he needs to talk to me, he's going to need to write it down, but I notice that he is struggling too hard against the gaes, and it is killing him. He dies, and I have to bring him back to life and lift the geas so that he can breathe.
Inside the charlatan's sanctuary, there is some kind of force that makes entrants bow and crawl, until it is liften. I crawl to the foot of the altar, where I stand up, with effort, and start looking around. No one has noticed that I'm not bowing, anymore, yet, but I need to gather information to start dismantling the "miralcles" of this guy who doesn't even actually think he's a god. After I see him, preparing for his "sermon," I realise it's worse than I thought, as he's just doing Evel Kneivel tricks on a dirt bike, and then performing Very Slight alterations of perception. The sense of wonder carries over from the motorcycle tricks, and spreads the effects for a very short period of time. So the people have to keep coming back. As mech_angel and I walk around unnoticed, and begin to figure out how to break this place, the people start going over the program, after having sung some kind of weird hymn...
Next on the program was "blessing" something, in a Pentagram. His followers were deeply confused... I woke up, sometime after that.
Strange dreams, but I count them as... good signs.
By the way, anyone got a bead on the Netiquette for having accidentally invited one's boss to one's birthday party and having had one's boss Accept said accidental invitation?
Though, more and more, I'm leaning toward just saying "Fuck it," and letting it be what it is...
Hm
current mood: trying to ficure some things out
current music: US/Russian Press Conference
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| Sunday, July 5th, 2009
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11:23 am - The past few days.
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raoin's party was great. Lot of fun, fire, alcohol, etc. She seemed to have a really good time.
Yesterday, we went to Brandon's parents' place, and that was good. Lot's of food. Great company. Much fun had by all.
Work work work.
Writing a thing. An amazing crisistunity, that has presented itself at the temporal conjuction of my birthday ritual plans and my two possible presentations, one at Dragon*Con, the other at MAPACA... Going to get it written in the next few days, then take some time to make it actually good...
Back later.
current mood: working...?
current music: CNN Bleh.
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| Friday, July 3rd, 2009
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8:26 pm - Bourne Identity Thoughts or "Why I don't join the CIA"
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The skills and training offered by the military and intelligence communities are often alluring to me.
But I have serious issues with people thinking they have authority over me, that they haven't earned. I tend to violently lash out at those who harangue me. And my ideological stances don't and most likely Will Not always match up with those who would offer me training.
Now, imagine if an individual did their best to gather the skills and abilities that might be taught to one, in either the millitary or intelligence communities. Archery, hand-to-hand combat, marksmanship and firearm maintenance, use and upkeep of bladed weapons, computer encryption and decryption procedures, coding, home and business infrastructure security protocols, explosives (both improvised and standard). How would a government regard such an individual, with no oversight and none giving them orders? Most likely as a potential criminal or terrorist.
Ain't That some shit?
Party here, in a bit. Time to go be social.
current mood: Thinking through some shit.
current music: The Bourne Identity
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6:06 am - Blurghgglle
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Slept for shit, again, and the heat is creeping back into the day, even this early. Moderately nauseated, and phlegmy.
Dreamed about a world in which genetic engineering was cheap, and easy to do, at home, in your garage. Also something about many people I knew moving to a version of Athens, GA which was really more like a Small-Town Savannah, GA, in terms of temperature and climate.
Have to go to work, now.
Gods help whomever gets in my way.
current mood: still slightly nauseated
current music: "Lights On," by the Pierces, stuck in my head
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| Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
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7:21 pm - A few mental issues surrounding birthday magic.
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Nine Inch Nails - [The Warning]--- I'm having a party. Birthday thing. The 18th. Anyway.
I was thinking about the work I need to do, on my actual birthday. The grinding, the burning, the melting, the resolidifying, &c. It's going to be a longish process (maybe), and I'm of two minds about a few aspects of it.
Issue: Do I plan an invocation, an order, a specific incantation, or do I let it grow, naturally, the words and actions coming as they come? (Brokenkites - [The Hyperstructure]). I'm inclined toward the latter, mainly because it's a Birth, Death, Rebirth ritual, and it's designed to mirror an organic, evolutionary process. But the former option is practically appealing, as there are certain Names, Concepts, Points on which I want to make sure I touch; I don't want to forget anyone.
Potential Solution: I could prescribe the initial invocation, to be made during the building of the fire. It could be the opening salvo to a meditative period of fire-tending, preceding the actual destruction of the components and the creation of the new thing, out of them.
[Sub-Issue: I still need a way to combine melted silver, aluminium, and Random Composite Metals with desert sand, and ground semi-precious igneous and sedimentary stones, without it turning into a congealed, solidified Mass of Metal with some flecks in it; Suggestions?]
Tom Waits - [9th & Hennepin (Live)]--- ISSUE: Part of me wants to record the effort. This part has been recently influenced by watching a piece of Alan Moore's Highbury Working ("Skeletal Horse"), and it seems like a fucking brilliant plan. (Vermillion Lies - [Middleground]). Another part of me thinks this sounds like pure, utter wankery. Metaphysical masturbation of the highest order, because, really, who the fuck Cares about the process of the working I do, for myself, on my birthday? The fact that it gets Done should be enough, and they should be Doing Their Own Workings, not just watching mine. I don't think this is fleshed out enough to show it to the world, as some kind of "instructional piece," even if I was sincerely arrogant enough to think I was qualified for some shit I cobbled together as a whim due to personal numerological and symbolic significance to "instruct" anyone. Which acts a an endorsement for the Full Scripting Option, above...
Vermillion Lies - [Pet Me, Feed Me]--- SUB! ISSUE!: Certain musically inclined friends of mine (*ahem*) are supposed to be providing me with music, for my birthday, for use in or before this working. It is to this mix of music that I'd probably be doing the initial fire, invocation, getting-things-started thing. (The Dresden Dolls - [Ultima Esperanza]). The issue, here, is that I would feel that anyone who contributed something to this process (remember that? That you might have wanted to do that?) would be owed a record of the way in which their contribution was used. Hence: Recording. On the other hand? SO. MUCH. WANKERY.
ISH #3, True Believer!: I... feel weird inviting anyone to this, but I also feel like it deeply and personally involves everyone I've ever met. The fact that this will be happening at 4.44am, on a Wednesday, would inevitably narrow the field of potential spectators (obviously), but it's still a... dilemma.
Hirasawa Susumu - [Escapee]--- So these are a few of the conflicting emotions and thoughts in my head, not to get to things like Starting time/Event. I mean, does Starting the Fire count? Is it when I begin speaking the Words? Depending on the answer, this could take Hours, possibly until Dawn. Which, of course, could be exactly the point. In the process of simply writing these down, I've come to a lot of conclusions, to be sure, but, for those of you who give a shit, I'd still like to hear your thoughts:
ego_likeness - [Funny Olde World]--- So. Thoughts?
current mood: Working. Conflicted.
current music: ego_likeness - [Funny Olde World]
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| Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
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11:00 pm - Words, #3, Foods, and "Really?!"
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From wyldkyss:
House: To me, this has always meant the emomtional entanglementa and complexity of any place you try to call a "home." Not just some place you live, but the structures in which you have built and designed the major parts of you, the pieces that make you who you are. These parts can be built, always, and so some places will always be a House; or they can be single formative instants, which makes that house only sometimes a house.
Leaves: "...of a tree." "...of a book." "...behind." "Someone..." They rustle, they pile up, and in the right conditions they decompose and build the nutrients out of which something new can grow.
Magic: Hm. Good one. Illusions. Lies. Altering reality, by force of will, certain specific planning, and particular understandings. Actions that aren't generally understood, by most people. Different understandings of cause and effect than the purely rational and scientistic, which may or may not involve symbolic resonance as a means of manipulation and control.
Cthulhu: I deeply identified with the Great Cthulhu, when I was in high school. Herald of ultimate destruction, devourer of minds, souls, flesh. I loved it. I wanted to embody the thing that flayed, warped, destroyed, altered minds. I'm not sure that I've changed, except in degree of severity. And some days, I'm not sure in which direction.
Green: A colour I love, as I have what some might call an irrational love for Ireland. A Place and state of mind. Something I deeply associate with growing, vibrant life (good and bad) and Nature.
So, I've been cooking a lot, again, lately. Chinese-sytle fish stir-fry, Sunday night. Barbecued chicken breast with a homemade/augmented sauce, on Monday. On Monday, however, I Started marinating a bottom round roast, but didn't end up cooking it. So I cooked it, yesterday, after letting it marinate for over 24 hours in barbecue, soy, Crystal Hot, and A-1 sauces, as well as whole pepper corns, garlic, ginger, basil, rosemary garram masala and salt. Freaking. Amazing.
Tonight was glazed baked chicken legs, same basic sauce as the barbecue/marinade listed above, sub Cracked pepper and minus the ginger.
I am, in fact, a Master of augmented sauces. Just ask anyone who's ever eaten my cooking.
So. F-List. What's up with you all only posting One Thing, in the past five hours? I was looking forward to something to read, before bed.
Now I need to go to bed.
Dream Well
current mood: kind of hungry again, actually
current music: Castle
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5:41 pm - Extended Thoughts on HumanID and BI/OS
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Please remember our earlier discussion of the BI/OS and the Human Identification at a Distance programs.
Please couple this with whatever it is that you think you understand about myself, my family, and my interest in cybernetics and biotechnologies, as well as my Something Amazing About Myself, yesterday.
Let's be perfectly clear: I don't 'scrutinize gait," when I observe and identify people at a distance. What I do is observe and discern the probability of a certain type behaviour, based on past experience with the person identified, and human beings, as a whole. (David Bowie - [Leon Takes Us Outside]). I then add that probability to the list of potential things that may be about to happen to or be done by them, to or by me, to or by others in my environment, &c. (David Bowie - [Outside]). What this means is that I look at a situation, and I factor in everything i know, feel, and intuitively believe (and that's arational intuition, no matter what neurophilosophers try to tell themselves) about every thing in the field of consideration. It is a robust blend of emotive symbolism, pattern recognition, statisitcal modelling, and inductive reasoning. In short, it's what everyone does, every day, to get from point A to point B.
Now, with all of that said, it may be surmised that I would think that this should be expanded and used by DARPA's HumanID/BIOS programs to track and predict potential threatening bahviour. (David Bowie - [The Heart's Filthy Lesson])But this surmisement (surmisation? Surmise) would be wrong. I do not necessarily believe that these programs would be good things, either individually or combined, and here's why:
There is a correlation algorithm that pairs certain types of stance, posture, moviement, voltaic skin and involvutary respiratory and cardiac fluctuations with certian states of mind, and trains of thought. (David Bowie - [A Small Plot of Land]). In controlled experiments, these have been shown to be fairly decent indicators for the factors sought. The problem, however (and I think it's a major one), is that their probability algorithms aren't flexible enough, yet, to adapt to the possibility of fleeting thoughts, trouble at home, &c. In other words, they have not been expanded, enough to take into account the effects of various brief, arational, physio-chemical, emotional combinations that may all add up to a certain response in one person, but not another. On top of this, we have the danger of confirmation bias, where we may have sought specific answers for specific questions.
So: Independently, the algorithm isn't "human" enough to predict arational, symbolically-influenced behaviour patterns. In conjunction with human operators, an over-arching envorionment of fear as well as a potentially unconscious need to punish or scapegoat someone matching a specific symbolic, arational resonance could easily lead to wrongful persecutions. (David Bowie - [Segue- Baby Grace (A Horrid Cassette)]). And we won't even get into the eventual backlash against a perceived wave of such persecutions. So, until humanistic psychological Possibilities can be better correlated with the algorithmic Probabilities, we need to limit the likelihood that we will stop for extra screening, strip search, and destroy the personal belongings Of a person, because they, essentially, "Looked Suspicious."
David Bowie - [Hallo Spaceboy]--- We must remember that this-- the effort to accurately model someone's behaviour, Prior to Their Decision Making-- is territory that we still deeply misunderstand. fMRI studies point in particular directions, regarding decision making and agency, depending on the Prior Information Given To The Subject and Operators, Alike. This means that, should we inform the individual that they are going to be under observation, of a certain type, they will be A) more careful about their behaviour, B) Too careful about their behaviour, C) Generally Outraged And Nervous, and/or D) Any combination of the above, plus others I can't think of, right now.
We don't know enough about what our symbol sets mean to ourselves, and their effects on our physical states, let alone what those of other people do to them, to try and accurately predict that which is, in essence, a merely potential act.
David Bowie - [The Motel]--- You can call it, "Precrime," "thoughtcrime," "sense-offense," or whatever else you want. What it boils down to is the distinct and onerous possibility of the misapplication of tools that we misunderstand, or underestimate, unless we recognise the limits of our understanding, try to correct and allow the space of flexibility for them.
David Bowie - [I Have Not Been to Oxford Town]--- Thoughts?
current mood: expansive
current music: David Bowie - [I Have Not Been to Oxford Town]
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10:58 am - Kind of upsetting
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Dreams were of people and things , close to me, dying, in rapid succession.
So, Pete, ego_likeness, sadistic_apollo, if you're reading this, be careful in the car, today. Or if you go near a lot of water, sometime soon.
The Vandals - [An Idea For A Movie]--- Yesterday was good. Saw jaythebarbarian for the first time in Three Damn Years. He brought Abby and two friends of theirs, so that was nice.
We went to the Vortex, last night, for trivia, and randomly encountered a coworker of mine. He and his friend joined us, and we all got first place. Good times.
The Beatles - [Blackbird]--- Last week, we were graced with a zombiebear, her Pete, and a Brandon. It was pretty awesome.
Still a little out of it. The dream sequences really kind of fucked with me...
Gorillaz - [Demon Days]--- Anyway. Good morning.
The severe lack of a schedule, these past few weeks, or, rather, the forcible resetting of my work schedule to a diurnal one has made me feel like every day is two days, and kind of like I'm getting twice as much inforamtional input, and my brain doesn't know how to compartmentalise it, yet. Working on it.
Even now, I have to Keep Reminding myself that it is Wednesday, and that I don't have work, today, but that I have to go to bed Early, so that I can go to work, tomorrow.
So, obviously, I went to bed at 3 am, and woke up at 10. Of course.
Bah.
I'm out.
current mood: trying to wake the fuck up
current music: KMFDM - [Hau Ruck]
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| Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
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6:18 pm - Since I was asked:
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I can adapt my modes of thought to new skills and operations within hours, if I find them interesting.
Better if they're psychological or analytical tools, such as behavioural profiling or breaking down a situation into its constituents, to search for new and different connections.
Also, I can identify almost anyone I know and have observed in motion, at a distance of 50 yards (that's as far as I've tested), by posture and gait, alone.
Kind of creepy, no?
current mood: telling.
current music: things around the house
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2:16 pm - Why are you SO AMAZING?!
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So. Tell me something utterly amazing about yourself.
Something deeply wonderful that you are or can do.
Thank you.
current mood: prepared to be amazed.
current music: Castle
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| Monday, June 29th, 2009
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6:25 pm - mech_angel's Collaboration and wider exposure:
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So, you'll remember that kylecassidy did this thing [http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/513410.html] with getting people together to work on collaborative projects, in the spirit of generating the kind of wonderful relationships and opportunities that he has been given.
Some of you may Not know, however, that mech_angel responded to this, and was introduced to ms_violet. But, now you Do know that, and you can see the first half of their efforts, here: http://community.livejournal.com/2xcreative/13146.html
You can also spread the link around to as many people as you possibly think would be interested. Which is, I am sure, many people.
Good day.
current mood: Here.
current music: Television.
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