Feelings.
Voltaire - [Feathery Wings]--- I'm a bit not myself, right now, and i don't like it. I don't know what's wrong, or why it's happened, but i'm feeling a distance, and a poor connection to the things that make me Me. Advice, Writing, Art... Emotion; all so far away. I want to be certain, again. I want to know that things can be the way i Want them to be, through the application of my will, and that's not seeming to be the case... The good is slipping, and the bad is driving in.

People want to know why the troubles of others affect me. Why those things can bring me to a low point. (Voltaire - [Almost Human]). The truth of it is, because i let them. I hope, pray, think, have thought since i was younger, that if i could shoulder some of the burden for them, then they wouldn't have to feel so bad. And that's conflicting, right now, with the feeling of powerlessness. The idea that, no matter how connected, integrated, in synch with the All i get, i'm going to let someone down, and piss someone off, and i'm Still not going to be able to help every one... And i want them to help themselves...

I think i'm coming a bit unraveled. (Voltaire - [The Headless Waltz]). This was apt: http://seizure.strixus.net

I'm breaking apart, from the inside, and i have the fucking bitter taste of regret, and dissonance, inside. I want to smoke. I want to drink. I want causes, without effects. Actions without consequences. Or at the very least, a multiple Choice of consequences... any i want, at all... And this universe doesn't offer that. Not yet... And i'm Sorry. There. You like to hear that? I'm sorry. I've done things, now, that i'm Actually Sorry For. I don't like Being Sorry. I don't like having to apologize for the things i've done, and the choices i've made.. But i didn't make them well, or with full forethought... And the consequences that i can't change have to potential to do horrid things to people about whom i care, and drive me toward untold levels of resentment, and self-depreciation. And i'm sorry.

Voltaire - [Anastasia]--- I want to go home...